When Emotions are High, Intelligence is Low.
Emotions Are High, Intelligence is Low
This title is not a statement but a fact. Have you ever wished you could take back what you said, the email you sent while in that moment of upset or anger, or I can’t believe they did/said that? I know you have heard the term; you should sleep on it, and it will look different in the morning. Well, here’s why it will look different in the morning.
When you are upset, angry, or scared, a part of your brain (the amygdala- where emotional memory resides) releases chemicals that shoot through your body to protect you, the flight or fight syndrome. So, when this chemical gets released to protect you, it gives you the adrenaline to run, fight, flight, or freeze. However, when the amygdala part of the brain is engaged, the Neo Cortex is not, and the Neo Cortex is where rational and educational thoughts come from. Why does it work this way, and so what? Here’s why. The amygdala does not know if the threat is real or perceived danger, so it automatically jumps to action. If you are in real danger, you do not want your rational part of the brain taking over and creating a do list or suggesting you call a friend to discuss this danger. Danger means to run, hide, protect. Do you know those stories of people miraculously lifting cars that weigh a ton to save someone or cutting off their arm to survive? This is the amygdala in charge, and we call this getting hijacked! It is sudden, against your will, possibly forceful, you feel a loss of control, and it is taking you someplace you weren’t planning on going. If left unaddressed, it lasts 18 minutes, and the chemicals released in the bloodstream can take 3-4 hours to clear.
In today’s world, with all of us in high-stress mode and constantly connected to every part of our lives 24/7, we are engaging the amygdala more often, which over the long term is not healthy, and once an emotional pattern is blueprinted in the brain, it is far easier to repeat over and over again.
Now, let’s bring this home to our world of being in the service industry, small business owners and entrepreneurs, managing people and, in most cases, highly emotional people, and providing a service that physically touches other human beings. Emotional intelligence is self-awareness and motivation to manage your emotions to have better relationships and make better decisions.
Emotion comes before thought, and we always feel before we think!
As a leader, your reputation is how others measure you, and if your emotions are high and you get hijacked often, others may feel threatened, and they can become hijacked, which can come across as feelings of put down, let down, and shut down. Emotions are contagious, and if you have a culture spinning out of control with others not getting along, it starts with you managing your emotions. In our life today, even the little things can get us hijacked: the client who is never happy with her hair, the employee who comes in late often and everyone else is upset because they think they are getting away with it, or the staff meeting where every fear getting chastised even if it only happened one time before, your emotional memory will bring it to life again if it is even remotely familiar.
Here are some ways to recognize and help you manage your hijacks: first, your body is an early warning sign, like the low fuel light in your car. Your body will feel an increased heart rate, improved breathing reflexes, and decreased working memory, or your thinking brain will be foggy. You will have less perspective, less judgment, and less self-control and inevitably make more errors. Being aware of your emotions and those of others will allow you to overcome the hijack and effectively manage others.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when situations arise to support your management awareness.
· What was the situation?
· What was your trigger?
· What was your default behavior?
· Who are the people who tend to trigger me?
· What are the situations and scenarios that tend to trigger me?
· What tends to be my “default” behaviors?
· When was the last time someone hurt me?
· When was the last time I was disappointed?
· When have I felt out of control…or without a voice?
Finally, here are some solutions to help you manage; we call this the SBA.
Stop- or pause to build in time for critical thinking before reacting.
Breathe- Take three deep belly breaths to bring oxygen to your thinking brain.
Ask open-ended questions for clarification; this includes yourself and others.
The sooner you can manage your emotions, the more aware you become of your own. You become better at recognizing and helping others manage theirs, which is an outstanding trait in being a strong and authentic leader. Book a Free Leadership Coaching Session with me today.